As a teenage boy, I had two major fears.
The first was that my dick was too small (…, even though I have already found THE solution). The second was that I’d suffer from premature ejaculation.
Every growing boy fears his dick is too small. That’s because he probably hasn’t seen that many non-pornstar dicks he can compare it to.
But my fear of premature ejaculation was based on my actual experience. When I masturbated, I came within thirty seconds, or less. If I was cumming so quickly with only fantasies to help, imagine how fast it would be with an actual girl!
The fear was crippling. It caused me to avoid letting a girl get anywhere near my dick. I had licked and fingered multiple girls long before I got anything in return.
When I got into my first relationship, I knew I’d have to throw caution to the wind. I couldn’t put sex off forever and, one day fooling around in her bedroom, I realized the time had come. She lowered my pants and put her mouth over my dick. To my huge relief, I didn’t shoot my load immediately.
Still, I didn’t let her go on for more than a couple of minutes, after which we fucked for the first time. I lasted about two minutes and, while I was ashamed of my performance, I was grateful I had lasted at all.
Since that day, through a lot of humiliating encounters, research, and hard work, I have learned my fair share. I have the answers you might be too scared to ask, and I can help you overcome all your PE problems.
There’s two things you need to know first:
- You are not alone. Not only do hundreds of millions of men suffer from the same fears, but the problem is not as big as your mind is making it.
- There are both physical and psychological factors involved. By improving one or the other, you’ll improve your performance. If you work on both, you can learn to last longer than you ever imagined.
Let me take a moment to explain.
Everybody cums (too soon)
Characters in TV series and movies talk about going for hours or all night. They make jokes about people who last only a minute or two.
But in real life, there are very few men who can last for half an hour, let alone all night. In fact, there are very few who last more than a few minutes. While research shows that sex on average lasts 3 to 7 minutes, 50% of men last less than 2!
The reassuring news is that most people, men or women, don’t want sex to last that much longer. Some researchers have found that fifteen minutes of sex (after foreplay) is considered ideal.
That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try to learn to last as long as possible. Women take a while to orgasm, and some women love to go at it for as long as possible. Once you can make that happen, you’ll love the long sessions too.
But it should help you to know that you are not abnormal. If you can last for longer than 2 minutes, you’re already above average. And if you can’t, there are some simple ways to change that (which we’ll go into below).
Some of it’s in your head
Let me start out by reiterating that unless you cannot last for longer than 1 minute, you don’t classify as suffering from premature ejaculation. Most of the science focuses on men who are almost never able to last up to 1 minute.
So unless you fall into this category, you don’t absolutely need to treat it as a problem. If you do fall into this category, you will need to work a little harder than other men, but you can achieve results that are as good or better.
However, to learn how to last longer, we’ll need to look at some of the science on premature ejaculation.
There are differences of opinion in what exactly causes premature ejaculation. The finer details will probably bore you. We’ll focus on the major lessons.
Specifically, you need to know that it is both a physical and psychological issue. Some of it is in your head.
It’s not surprising, considering how much pressure we feel to last for hours. We’re all told we have to perform like pornstars, but we’re never given any training or information. We’re supposed to just “get it.”
That pressure can be the very thing that leads to cumming too soon. There’s no quick fix to take away the pressure, but what we’ve discussed above should already help. You’re not less of a man because you cum after two minutes. You’re pretty much average. You don’t need to last longer, but if you do, you’ll be going above and beyond.
Let’s fix this motherfucker
This is it. The moment you’ve all been waiting for. I’m going to show you a range of techniques to beat the shit out of premature ejaculation (and yes, it involves a lot of time beating it). I’m gonna start with an important psychological technique, because for some men, without getting past their self-destructive thinking patterns, none of the physical stuff will help.
Let me explain.
The Mind Stuff
Stop jacking off to the pink elephant
There’s an exercise psychologists use to demonstrate what we sometimes do to ourselves. “Stop thinking of the pink elephant,” they tell you. “Have you stopped thinking about it yet?”
If you’re trying not to think about something, you’re only going to think about it more!
And so, many men who are trying to last longer, go through something like the following thought process when they’re fucking a woman:
“Okay, this is it. I’d better last.
“I’ve got all those tricks ready, so this better work. If it doesn’t I’ll cum too soon. Goddamit, I’m gonna cum too soon!
“Shit, what were those tricks again? Oh yes, say the pledge of allegiance. Squeeze something or other, thrust slower, so that I don’t cum too soon.
“Cum too soon. Goddamit, I’m gonna cum too soon!
“What were those tricks again? To stop me cumming too soon?
Cumming too soon is the proverbial pink elephant. Trying not to freak out about it will only make you freak out about it more. The trick you need to learn is to think about it differently.
There’s nothing wrong with the pink elephant until it makes you cum
The difference between the pink elephant and premature ejaculation is that there’s nothing wrong with the pink elephant. You can think about pink elephants all day and they won’t do you any harm. Unless, of course, you find pink elephants irresistible and just thinking about them makes you cum too soon. But hopefully not.
Thinking about cumming too soon is different. The thought makes you freak out and lose control. But it doesn’t have to.
The technique I’m about to teach you comes from a field of psychological treatment called cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT). CBT teaches you to identify your thought process and change distorted thoughts.
It’s important to recognize that you’ll have to do the work before you’ve got a girl in your bed. When you’re not feeling all hot and bothered.
Take the following steps:
- Imagine that you’ve just penetrated a girl and you’re scared you’re going to cum. This isn’t a comfortable exercise and you’ll want to avoid it. But if you push through and do the work, it’s well worth it.
- Listen to the thoughts you have in the imagined situation. You’ll probably hear something along the lines of “I’m gonna cum too soon,” “I’m not a real man,” “This is humiliating,” “She’s gonna feel sorry for me,” “I’m never gonna build a relationship like this”
- Yup, they can get pretty dire really quickly.
- Write down those thoughts.
- Now comes the really really hard part. You have to look at these thoughts objectively. Sometimes, when you challenge your own thoughts, you struggle to convince yourself. Luckily, I’m here to help you. Let’s focus on the examples I mentioned.
- I’m gonna cum too soon. Some of the challenges to this could include:
- What’s too soon? If I make it to 2 minutes, I’m on par with most other men
- Just because I’ve cum too soon in the past, doesn’t mean I’ll do it forever. There are techniques I can learn to change it
- There are effective supplements to take if the techniques don’t work
- If I do cum ‘too soon,’ I’m not the first and I won’t be the last.
- I’m not a real man.
- Very few men last much longer than me
- Most men don’t know what they’re doing. I’m going to do some work which will make me better than most men
- This is humiliating / She’ll feel sorry for me
- Maybe she will be disappointed but either this is a hookup or
- she’s someone who is interested in me and will look past one or two sexual disappointments
- Most men she’s been with probably haven’t managed to satisfy her
- I’m never gonna build a relationship
- Relationships are not built on sex alone
- By putting in effort to better satisfy her, I’m already going above and beyond what other men do. Girls will appreciate this far more than they care about how long I lasted
- I’m gonna cum too soon. Some of the challenges to this could include:
- It becomes a lot easier to challenge the thoughts once you’ve worked on some physical techniques to help delay cumming. Then you can add to the challenges the fact that you’ve put in the work.
- Rinse and repeat. These thoughts are hardwired and it will take going through this process over and over again before you start thinking the right way in the moment.
Of course, changing your thinking is not enough on its own. If your body is used to cumming quickly, you have to change how it works. The following methods are called behavioral methods.
Your Body’s Bad Habits
There are some researchers we need to give a shout out to. They’ve done mankind a huge service. They happen to have incredibly appropriate names as well: Semans (childish giggle), Masters & Johnson (like, you learn to master your Johnson), and Kaplan (this name’s a disappointment).
They have come up with some behavioral techniques to learn to stop cumming too soon.
You have to start practicing them when masturbating. I know when I was younger I put no real effort into masturbating properly. But if you want to learn to last longer, you’ve got to take your masturbation slowly. And with care.
(If you’re in a relationship and you’re comfortable sharing this, then practice these techniques with your partner.)
Stimulate your penis until you feel the urge to ejaculate, then stop until the sensation passes. Repeat again and again before allowing yourself to cum. The aim here is to learn to improve your control in that moment right before you would normally cum.
Take at least ten minutes doing this before allowing yourself to cum. These ten minutes will make a huge difference to your life, so make them a priority.
Stimulate your penis until you feel the urge to ejaculate, then squeeze the glans of the penis until the sensation passes. Repeat again and again before allowing yourself to cum.
Again, take at least ten minutes before finishing.
This one is for those men in a relationship. Begin foreplay by focusing on touch which excludes breasts and genitals. This will increase your awareness of your body and take some of the pressure off you. You get to explore each other’s bodies without the risk of cumming. You learn to be sexual with your partner without shooting your load too soon. When you do eventually start touching the erogenous zones, there’s less pressure to last all that long.
Flex Those Muscles
This final technique is really important. It helps you strengthen the muscles that can help you stop yourself from cumming. You only have to do it ten minutes a day to see results.
Kegels and Reverse Kegels
Kegels help you strengthen the PC muscle, or pelvic floor, which can help you control ejaculation.
In order to find the PC muscle, put a finger between your legs behind your balls but before your anus. The area sometimes called the taint. Try to flex only that muscle. That’s the muscle that’s going to help you stop yourself from cumming, even if you feel like you’re about to reach the point of no return.
Strengthening it is relatively easy. Simply flex it repeatedly for around ten minutes a day. As it gets stronger, you will be able to flex and hold it for longer.
But strengthening it alone is not enough. You need to learn to actually control it.
For this, you will use reverse kegels.
Reverse kegels involve doing the opposite. Instead of flexing the PC muscle, try pushing it out. This isn’t as intuitive as doing kegels.
To get an idea of how to do this, while peeing, push to make the pee come out stronger. Alternatively, push out on your ass like you’re trying to fart, then breathe out while trying to move that pressure forward to the PC muscle.
This might take a while to get used to, and you may want to do it locked in the bathroom on your own if you’re worried about accidentally pushing too hard in the wrong place! Also, empty your bladder and bowels first so that you’re more comfortable.
It’ll take work and play
Learning to last longer is easy, but you have to put in the work. At the same time, it’s important to have fun. Spend more time masturbating. Stop treating it as a chore to just get out of the way and use it as quality time. It will have benefits on your life in general, not just on how long you can last in bed.