Nothing in life is free and that goes double for sex with your ex.
That’s because sex grips us all with ‘chemical hooks’…
During intercourse, the brain floods with a hormone called oxytocin, or the “love hormone.”
Oxytocin is responsible for creating emotional attachments between sexual partners and is released in much higher quantities in women than in men.
In other words, your ex is likely going to think of a hookup as more than just a hookup. Meanwhile, as a man, you can barely resist the appeal of such low-hanging fuck-fruit.
What could go wrong? While there’s nothing wrong with circling back to a former lover, you should have a good reason for doing so.
Be aware: there’s a special place in Hell reserved for those who string along their exes.
If you can’t answer the inevitable question of ‘where is this going?’, it’s best to avoid the risk of inflicting pain on someone you care for – and guard yourself against hurt as well.
A real man fucks with a sense of responsibility, meaning he doesn’t bring harm to himself or others in the process.
Here are three steps to determining if you should fuck your ex.
1. Evaluate Your Motives
Most men are open to the idea of fucking their ex. Why?
Because any pussy looks shiny and new after a time apart, especially if you’ve been struggling to get laid since the split.
Even if you’re flush, the prospect of fucking your ex can seem hotter than dipping into a fresh piece of ass.
Ask yourself, though – do you want this person back in your life or just back in your bed?
The mindbending allure of pussy – even pussy on reheat – can erase the negative memories of a bad breakup.
If you’re not careful, the prospect of familiar sex can confuse your rationale for reconnecting with your former lady.
To help you clarify, here are three unhealthy reasons that men sometimes hook up with their ex:
- Convenience: You find it easier to fuck her than finding someone new.
- Validation: You could use a win and fucking her would improve your self-esteem.
- Security: You want the security of a lover while you look for a new partner.
Sound like you? You may not miss your ex – just the sex.
Sex is an inevitable part of the relationship repair process, but it shouldn’t be the driving force behind why your recouple.
Without any intention to make good, ex-sex is retracting the steps of an already failed relationship – with a few orgasms thrown in for the trouble.
2. Evaluate Her Motives
Your ex’s motives for hooking up are equally as important as yours.
Does she want to get back together? Have casual sex? Leech on you while she looks for a new boyfriend?
If she says she wants you back and you believe her, have a frank conversation about what needs to change. This way, you can avoid making the same mistakes and achieving the same result.
It’s possible that your ex-lover wants sex for validation, convenience, or security instead of a fresh start.
You do not want to be the guy who takes his girl back, only to get dumped weeks later when she “met someone else.”
You deserve better than to be someone’s backup plan. Trust your instincts.
A word of caution about casual sex: someone always wants more.
Labeling sex as “casual” is a proven way for women (and men) who’ve been dumped to work their way back into their partner’s life.
Another pitfall of “casual sex” is that it allows you to avoid the difficult but necessary conversations that led to your breakup.
Once those bad patterns and unresolved issues resurface, the thrill of the quickie vanishes instantly.
Ask your ex what she wants and why.
Any disparity in, or perceived dishonesty about, the end-goal of sex will surely lead to new frustrations and traumas.
3. Fuck With Integrity
Before hopping into bed, be honest with yourself and with your ex.
Fuck her only if it’s meaningful for you both – not convenient or easy.
Have compassion for this woman. Don’t torture her because you’re too scared or lazy to go it alone.
Every minute you spend with your ex is a minute you could be spending on a new, different, and better woman.
Don’t waste time on a romp that will end in a painful separation, and could expose you both to new suffering.
Have some vision for yourself and fuck with integrity.
If you both want to try again, sit down and work through your problems. Relationships survive on the basis of honest dialogue, and if you both can’t be upfront with another it’s time to walk away.